Judgement Day

Today is the last day of all of our lives. At least that’s what Harold Camping has people believing.

So what am I spending the last day of my life doing? Working. Unlike most Canadians, my long weekend ended yesterday and even through I have Monday off I work for the next 2 days.  However all this rapture talk has made me think about what I would be doing today if the world was actually going to end.

This in itself poses a different problem, what do you do when the end of the world is nigh? I haven’t been to New Zealand and I haven’t been to a World Cup game, I’ve always wanted to have a book published but these are all tasks that can’t be accomplished in just one day. So if this were actually going to be the last day of civilization as we know it, then I’d start with taking my dog Vegas for a nice long walk. I enjoy our walks, they allow us to bond and see things in a different light. When we’re out on the street, he’ll stop to sniff things that are only interesting to him. The break allows me to absorb the beauty of my surroundings and I notice things that I would have just passed on by if it wasn’t for my puppy’s astute sense of smell.

Then there is the food and drink. I’m a man of indulgence and there are a few places I would go for a bite and a brew. For breakfast I’d go to The Stockyards for a griddle smashed double burger with some fried chicken on the side. Then probably down to the Black Bull for a pint or two. Lunch would have to be at Segovia for the seafood paella accompanied by a nice bottle of red wine. Then dinner would take me to little Italy for a stone baked Margherita or funghi pizza, washed down with a bottle of grappa. I would then conclude my day down by the waterfront, watching the stars take to the skies over our raptured world.

That would probably be my ideal rapture day, after that I would prepare for the end of the universe and the looting and destruction that would follow. Much like a zombie apocalypse, the world would turn into a place of pure lawlessness and survival of the fittest, that’s why I’d make sure I’d enjoy all of life’s indulgences before having to employ a modified Zombie contingency plan to stay alive.

But now I’m off to work, which is a bit of a bummer because now I can’t stop thinking of all this good food and what I should be doing instead of working. Well I guess we all can’t live in a life of make-believe and pretend. Some of us have to keep the world going around.

Happy Rapture Day! I’ll see everyone tomorrow.

Snap Into A Slim Jim – Remembering Randy Savage

I never hated Randy Savage, but I didn’t like his character. One of my favourite wrestlers was Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, so when he injured Ricky that one Saturday Night Main Event, I was pissed. It did however start quite a large feud between the two of them and I loved that. That’s what truly made Wrestling fun.

Back when the WWE was still the WWF, wrestling was everything and I was hooked. The feuding was a large part of why I watched wrestling. Being able to pick sides, and acting out our favourite matches in the schoolyard was a great part of childhood.  In fact it was because of people like Randy Savage, Hulk Hogan, Jimmy Snuka, the Legion of Doom (this list could go on forever), that I was inspired to join my high school wrestling team. It wasn’t quite the same without the feuding though. I now look back on the life and death of Randy Savage and even though I didn’t like his character, he was part of what made wrestling so much fun.

I remember how much my dad enjoyed taking me to see wrestling events. I didn’t find out until I got much older, but he would love seeing all the crazy fans (both adults and kids) going nuts at the sight of their favourite stars. My very first wrestling event was a very vague memory, I think I was about 5 but I KNOW Hulk Hogan was there, as well as Rowdy Roddy Piper. I remember not being able to speak because my throat was so hoarse from screaming.

I also remember being anxious to get home from church on Sunday’s because wrestling would be on TV and I didn’t want to miss what was going to happen next. Who was going to interfere and what epic feud it would start. As I grew, the WWF grew with me, offering me more to love, like the Undertaker and the Hart foundation. I met new friends with the same affinity for the pain and punishment of the squared circle. In high school my friend Rob Pontone and I would talk wrestling to no end. There was even one plot that we hatched that would introduce us into the world of the WWF – we had planned to jump the barricade and enter the ring at a live event, beating whoever was in there and have the WWF instantly draft up contracts to have us join the federation.

I had dreamed of being a pro-wrestler and it was  frankly even a part of my religion. While growing up in my church’s youth group we all shared the same passion for wrestling, but took it to the next level when we went on youth retreats. Every season there would be a youth group retreat that would try to bring us closer to God and make us grow spiritually, or something like that.

The spirituality was not the reason we went on these retreat’s though – it was the wrestling. We would put on some of the most epic shows imaginable with each person taking on their own wrestling persona. We had lights, we had the intro music there was even face paint involved (remember that epic fight where I came in as Sting). We would get hurt and we wouldn’t care, we would perform dive’s off the bunk-beds and get hurt and we’d keep going. I’m sure if our parent’s knew that this is what we were doing at church, we would have been punished. But we didn’t care.

Thank you Randy “Macho Man” Savage – thank you for being such a contributing factor in my childhood. I may not have loved your character, but I loved what you represented. Rest in Peace, and I hope you’re doing nothing but throwing elbow drops onto puffy clouds up in heaven!

Would the real Bin Laden please stand up!

So this is going to the second in my “will the real…” series and what I really want to do is make u think. Most of my opinions may be ridiculous, unpopular and a little controversial but think about it – how do we know Osama is really dead?
Yeah it’s the Hitler theory re-visited, but I’m serious when I say that the “at sea” burial seems a little fishy. Islamic law does dictate that the body be buried within 24 hours, but it seems like everything in haste. If I was Obama, I would want to see the body with my own eyes, or shall I remind you about the WMD fiasco.
For the sake of the US people I hope he is dead, I’d hate to see this blow up in Obama’s face if Osama ever came back.
Although…..

He was buried at sea, presumed dead. But when the body of Bin Laden came in contact with an undersea meteor it revived the evil and transformed him into…
MECHA-BIN LADEN!
50′ tall, the assumed corpse has risen from his watery grave with one goal in mind – REVENGE!
Can the free world stop him before he 9/11’s the entire USA!?

Starring, Andy Samberg as Joe Biden, Fred Armison as Barak  Obama and Andy Serkis as Mecha-Bin Laden

This summer, nobody is safe from the WMD’s, weapons of mecha destruction!