Sabretooth Town

I’ve noticed that there is so much emphasis on youth in our current world. The media blasts us with commercials about regenerative creams and oils that can take years off and leave your skin feeling younger and blah, blah, blah.

As a dude, I’ll be the first to admit that what I look at is looks. Whether it’s instinct or just plain ol’ libido, we are drawn to attractiveness in women. Now this is what the media is targeting when they market these creams and oils it’s the insecurity in women to try to keep hold of their youth and attractiveness to men. But speaking honestly as a guy there is a deep-rooted attractiveness when it comes to older women. I won’t lie, when I see Megan Fox in a bikini, I get riled up. But I’ve had a crush on Stacy Dash is hot and she’s over 40.

Call it the Mrs. Robinson phenomena but every guy has fantasized about older women (high school teachers) teaching them a little something. I had my fair share of crushes when I was younger and even now when I look at some of Hollywood’s over 40 club, I still find myself getting riled up.

Like Mariska Hartigay, she’s gives the Special Victims Unit something special to look at. Marissa Tomei, I wish I knew her cousin Vinny. And have you seen Helen Mirren in a bikini??? I’m not trying to be rude but she takes the cougar to a new level. Bring on that sabretooth status.

And of course Ms. Demi Moore has been one of the women of Hollywood to fully embrace her cougar status and embrace her grace in her age by taking a younger guy and prove to the world that age doesn’t matter.

So whether you’re a cougar or a sabretooth, women of the world please embrace your age and recognize that we love you be it old or young there is something beautiful about a woman who embraces her beauty and the confidence it exudes.

Oh and my secret older crush? Eva Mendes granted she’s only 5 years older than me but I wish she was my babysitter when I was a kid 🙂

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Music Trap

I remember, back when I was in high school, seeing all those grown up’s who were stuck in a music groove. One vivid moment cemented it for me, it was the last day of camping on Manitoulin Island and we were in our car, waiting to drive onto the ferry to start the long drive home. Two lanes across from our car was this light blue Chevette that was tricked out. Now I mean that in a very sarcastic way because there is nothing you could do to a Chevette to make it look good.

This thing had tinted windows, a vented hood (for its sowing machine engine) and flames panted around the front wheel wells. Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention it was also souped up with an amazing sound system that just seemed wrong in that kind of car. We had a half hour ferry wait, so this guy was sitting behind his car with his buddy, drinking some booze and rocking out to the tunes BLASTING from his hatchback. Now this is what I’d expect when I see modified Civic’s or Acuras, but from a Chevette it seems weird. On top of that he was blasting classic 70’s and 80’s rock. These guys must have been in their mid 30’s and were going on about how music peaked mid 80’s and today’s music didn’t even compare.

It was that day that I made a promise to myself that I was always going to try to be current with music and never be like those old guys who were stuck in an era where they were considered cool. Unfortunately I realized that there is so much that I’m out of touch with now that I’m approaching my mid 30’s that I need to get out of this music trap.

Recently I went through my phone and discovered that most of my music is at least 5-6 years old and seeing as I don’t listen to radio, I may as well go out and buy a Chevette, bring back my mullet and jean jacket. After talking to some people I realize that most of those who are in touch with new music either work in some online media company or those who have kids. Seeing as I don’t belong to either group I’m going to have to make a conscious effort to keep myself up to date with as much new music as possible so that I don’t get too old before my time.

Don’t get me wrong, I do plan on complaining about kids and their crazy music. But let that happen when I’m 80, not today.

Comic Book Day

As a fanboy I feel that I have the need to vent a little and share something that is near and dear to me.

I love comics.

Since I was a little kid I always loved comics and the way they made me feel. They gave me strength and power and made me believe that no matter what, good would always prevail. As I got older that changed, and I started to feel that comics provided me the ability to express my inner anguish and torment – I guess as tormented as a stable middle class kid can get.

Then as an adult it became a bit of a secret shame. Well it wasn’t that cut and dry, but essentially it was a choice between staying a virgin forever or actually join the real world, at least that’s the way I looked at it. I mean I used to see the grown up nerds, you know the ones that didn’t move out of their homes and grow up. Sure that’s not every adult comic book nerd, but don’t tell me you don’t know at least one of these guys. I’ve met my fair share of them at the conventions that I’ve been to. Large, socially inept, collecting everything they can get their hands on.

So I left my comic books behind and focused on my love life, which didn’t end up panning out. The good thing about that was that just before things ended, I rediscovered my comics and that deeply buried sense of individuality. I got excited, once again, Wednesday’s meant that I could get refreshed and realize that life wasn’t actually that bad.

What I realized is that Wednesday’s brings out that kid in me again and I start to remember how reading those comics made me feel way back when life didn’t matter. Now when I go back to the comic store I remind myself that sometimes we let life get in the way and that we need to just remember back to when we were kids and unafraid to try anything. I may not be going to the comic store every Wednesday, but I sure as hell go every few months to get my fill and refresh my perspective.

It also makes me feel good because I also see so many “40 Year Old Virgin” types, and I thank the Guardians of Oa I took a break to get laid 🙂

Death by Orchestra

Everything fell apart last week. It seems that my manhood was only being held on my a thread, and that thread was pulled out from under me last week. My job was everything to me, but after my accident I couldn’t get back to where I was. Being a salesman just doesn’t work when you’re blind. Sure I was given special work conditions, placed in different departments but the world of electronics is constantly changing and having to sit and listen to new releases and new products was way to time-consuming.

I tried payroll and management and I give CompuTech credit for trying to keep me. I guess once you go blind your entire world changes. I feel helpless, useless, try to re-learn everything all over again this time with no eyes. Sure you get a better sense of smell and are almost completely reliant on your sense of sound, but at 32, I don’t want to re-learn how to live. I just want to live.

I wasn’t forced to quit by CompuTech, but by my disability.  I don’t even know what I signed but all I know is that I’m now unemployed and on government disability pension assistance. In other words, I’m living on welfare, a shell of a who i used to be. Like an old broken tool, I’m useless.

I guess that’s what my wife was thinking as well because she left me a few weeks after I lost my job. We had known each other for 12 years and had been married for the last 6 years. I guess that meant nothing after the accident and funny enough it really should have been her. Driving home after dinner at my parent’s house was always her chore, but seeing as she had an early appointment I decided to let her sleep for the hour and a half drive home. We were on the highway about half an hour from home when the accident happened. I didn’t even see the truck lose its tire, all I remember was seeing the steering wheel come right at me. I guess I am lucky that the tire didn’t come right through the windshield and take me out completely. Well I guess that’s just perspective.

I think it was guilt, the guilt of putting me in the driver seat instead of her that made her start to lose it. Or maybe it was just the excuse she needed, I’ll never know. I used to be able to read her so clearly, just by looking at her I could how she was feeling and what she was going through. I could talk to her about anything and knowing her as well as I did, I could support her through everything, I was her rock.

But now….now, I have no idea of what is going on with her. I don’t know how she’s feeling, what is bugging her or if she’s giving me a straight answer. I don’t even know if she’s looking at me when we talk.

The day she left was probably the worst day I’ve had since the accident. It had been three weeks since I lost my job and I was already spiraling into alcoholism. It was not a good time for me, but I always knew that I had Sarah. When Sarah came home, I’d stop drinking and sober up enough that I could actually open up and let everything out. Venting to her was the therapy I needed to just keep on living for another day. Maybe that’s what did it, but three nights ago I didn’t sober up. Sarah never came home but she called about half an hour after she was supposed to arrive.

It was then that Sarah told me everything. She wasn’t coming home, she couldn’t deal with the situation and she wasn’t strong enough to support both of us. I didn’t hear much else except a vacant “I loved you…” and a sob filled goodbye. I cried and drank for hours until i passed out. My last support beam had been pulled out and the building that was my life finally collapsed. I’d like to say that I was stronger than that, but I’m not. I can’t do this anymore. When I woke up I realized that I’ve reached the end of my rope and, well I just don’t think I have anywhere left to go from here.

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3rd street was always busy. One of the widest streets in the city and the traffic was always zipping by. Saul’s Good News had been a city staple, it was the place to go for every kind of news imaginable. Saul prided himself as being the first to know everything and today was no exception. While opening his news shack he saw Marvin walking down the street. Marvin was one of his favourite regulars and his story always made Saul just a little sad. But Saul was also very proud that he knew such a strong individual. Marvin went blind in a tragic car accident which led to so much hardship in his life. He lost his job and his wife and even though he lost everything, every time Marvin came by he would always stay and chat with Saul keep him company and listen to his stories.

Until a few weeks ago, Marvin had come by almost every morning but this was the first time I had seen him since his wife left him. Saul was a little worried about his tragic friend, but seeing him coming down the street, dressed in what seemed to be a new suit  made Saul happy. The dark glasses always made him look like he was hiding some secret, but the white cane gave him away every time. There was something different about him this time and Saul couldn’t wait to ask him what the occasion was for him to be all dressed up. Marvin would normally slow down as he got to the news shack but this time he kept walking right into the cross walk.

Marvin walked right past the stand and that’s when Saul noticed the ear buds in Marvin’s ears. Frozen, Saul stood there as he realized that  Marvin had blinded himself even more than he already was and was walking into the busiest street in the city. He could hear the music blaring as Marvin walked right into the path of a moving truck and was carried away into traffic. Tears streamed down Saul’s face, speckled with blood as he screamed for help, and ran after the screeching truck, hoping by some miracle that his friend was still alive. Running after the truck, all Saul could hear was the sound of the orchestra coming from Marvin’s headphones as the strongest blind man he knew condemned himself to death by orchestra.

Getting Started

I always find that the hardest part of any project is getting started. Once that first great idea is written down everything else flows after it. I find that this is the key part of starting any project. I think that I’ve started off really well here but that’s purely objective.

We’re just beyond the halfway point of January and let’s take a look at what this blog has accomplished:

1. It’s been a good journal for tracking my progress and keeping myself motivated to keep writing

2. I’ve been able to touch on almost any topic that comes to mind

3. It’s kept my idea’s flowing and has allowed me to finish a short story.

Not to bad, and so far it seems like it’s doing what it’s supposed to. But let’s look at making this blog successful and for that we need to narrow the stream of what this blog is going to consist of. One of the things that I really want to focus on is my writing, so I’m going to commit to having at least one story posted per week, this way I have the ability to either write a new chapter or have a completed short story ready for public reading/critique.

The second point of focus is to actually find a point of focus for my blog. Most of the times I have the need to rant so that’s one of my topics, but there has to be something else. Sure ranting is fun, but there has to be something more than just the random tirade.

This is what I propose, I will use this blog to:

1. Rant about something that’s bugging me or bugging you, this way I can pull from my everyday experiences and still be able to just tangent to my heart’s content.

2. New experiences. New restaurants, adventures, and just new places that I’ve been to and how they’ve made me feel.

3. and lastly, my stories. One new story per week should keep me busy enough that I can focus on my writing without getting too overwhelmed.

What do you think?

Back to the Future

I find that sometimes I start thinking of where my life was, is and will be and it makes me think about how I’d like to go back and change some things here and there. I know, I know, it’s part of the experience of learning and living, but there is just something about trying to make a better life for yourself that appeals to me.

Now I’m not talking about going back and stopping the bullet that killed Kennedy or Lennon, or assassinating Hitler. I’m talking about small things, like never picking up that first cigarette, or putting on a condom. I know that I would leave some of my savings where they were instead of cashing out some of my bonds and RRSP’s and listen to that voice that would tell me that’s not a smart thing to do. Sure Doc Brown warned us about the space/time continuum and how messing with the past would have disastrous consequences, but I’m sure that there are some things that would have positive consequences.

Take smoking for example. I used to be a smoker, and fortunately I didn’t suffer any long-term health problems (or so I think) but if I didn’t smoke I’d probably be healthier then I am now. But then again, there is a bond that you form with fellow smokers that can sometimes lead to some great business connections. In fact it was smoking that got me the inside scoop about a head office position that I was perfect for. Maybe I would have still heard about it, and maybe I would have got the job on my own, but the fact of the matter is that while having that cigarette with my manager I found out that there was a posting and that I would be well suited for the job. That smoker’s bond led me to get a recommendation from my smoking manager and got me out of a nowhere job and gave me some corporate experience that to this day proves to be invaluable.

So to meddle or not to meddle, that’s the question. If you could, would you and would your life really be better if you made the right decision instead of the wrong one. 

I’m just saying, is all…..

Ketchup

Today I had to write about two things in order to keep myself on target to achieving a post a day for 2011. So I was trying to think of what else to write and I couldn’t think of anything. Finally I decided to go to the bathroom, and before you think this is going to start to get dirty, it dawned on me.

Guys, I’m sure you get me when I say this, but when you’re stuck on a hard decision, or need to get away for a bit, where do you go? The can, man!

I’m not trying to be gross, and I’m sure there are a lot of us that feel this way, but a nice clean bathroom can be a great place to just get away for a while and clear your mind for a bit. It’s almost like a refuge where you know that you can just escape whatever you’re going through in order to get a new perspective on things, read the paper, catch up on Facebook or just spend some time with yourself. Think about when you were a teenager, that was the one safe room where nobody was allowed to enter if the door was closed. The private room that nobody had access to.

I remember having comic books, newspapers and even magazines. I would catch up on what was going around me while taking care of business. Maybe that’s why it was so appealing, that cubicle was a place where you could just step back from the pressures of life and just be at one with yourself – a place where you can dump the garbage of your mind while doing the same for your body, how holistic!

I think I’m going to go and be holistic right now if you know what I’m saying 😉